A month. That is how long it has been since I have even looked at the blog. So much happened in that month. Christmas. New years. Modeling gigs. Hurt foot. Family issues. The list goes on and on. SOOO, why did I just up and abandon it? Because it got to the point where it was expected of me to post. Yes I know, the point of a blog is for me to post, but when people are saying to me “you need to post more of the boys outfits” or post this or post that, that’s not me. It wasn’t for me anymore it was for everyone else. I don’t do commitment well. Before y’all chime in that I do commitment everyday of my life being married and being a mom… yes I am fully committed with all my heart. I am in a loving marriage and a stay at home mom to two amazing boys, yes it scares the shit out of me all the time. I do not know what the future will bring us and yes that is scary. Besides my brother and sister, surprise yes I have half siblings, there really has not been any stable committed relationships in my life. I panic everyday thinking that I could potentially fail my family, because that is all I knew growing up, but I know that it is all worth it. So, when the blog became something I had to do I ran. No thank you, I am out, see ya! Basically run the other way as fast as I can and not look back. But, I miss it. I won’t lie. Not necessarily the outfits and all that good stuff, but being able to share the real me with y’all. For you to see that there is more than just these cute little kids in cute little outfits running around. A real mom living a real life everyday. The ups, the downs, the good , the bad, and the ugly.
I am not going to say I am back 110%. I am not going to give you this huge long “I am going to post everyday and give you guys everything” rant. Cause that for sure is not me. It just take the little things in life to realize that sometimes you need an outlet. This is my outlet. If you love it, I love you, if you don’t that’s okay too. Some people are going to come here for the clothes, some people just for the real-ness, and some people just cause I bribed them to come and read my dumb posts haha. But I will share with you everything I love when I feel like it is something you will care about.
Where in the heck did all this come from you ask? No, probably not, but I am going to tell you anyways haha. Lately my very loving sons and brothers have not been so loving. They have their moments of pure just… I don’t even know, rage maybe, sometimes I honestly think they just hate each other. Nothing like I have ever seen before where Hurleigh will just go to town on Bentleigh, because Bentleigh is the sneaky one and does things to make him mad, but in a very quiet way. I know that they do not hate each other, far from it, they have a love I could have never imagined for them. So as I was putting them to bed in their beds tonight, that of course have to be touching Bentleigh said, and Hurleigh does end up half in Bentleigh’s bed so fine, I had this moment of fear. Fear that my commitment to them is failing, that some place I have gone wrong and something I am doing is not right. BUT I know siblings fight and I know people who are together 24/7, 365 days a year are not going to see eye to eye every second of everyday and that applies to them as well. So here we are. Basically venting on my blog and if you are still reading high-five. And thank you (: