The pain of the darkness.

This wasn’t the post I wanted to come back with. I have not posted in a while and was planning on coming back after the holidays with the announcement of adding another baby to our family. We found out I was pregnant and we were so excited to give Bentleigh and Hurleigh a new baby brother or sister. Sadly that is not the case.

The thought of a miscarriage never came to my mind. I had two healthy pregnancies and aside from early labor and severe morning sickness everything went just as planned. I knew miscarriages happened, but I never thought in a million years it would happen to me.

You see it everyday. Your heartbreaks for those that have to go through it, but you never fully understand the magnitude of the situation. I never realized how horrible and empty you feel. Everything makes you think of the baby you will never carry in your arms. You suddenly notice all the beautiful pregnant bellies walking around that you would have never noticed before. Every show with a newborn or a woman having a baby is hard to watch. The positive pregnancy test you got is now just a remind of your pain.

I hate that this has to happen to anyone. I hate that Bentleigh doesn’t understand why we can’t go see the baby. That you don’t know how to tell those that knew you were pregnant that your not anymore. That I had to tell my husband on thanksgiving that the new baby he was thankful for will not be coming.

So I come here. To my happy place. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. My body and my heart hurts, but it believe everything happens for a reason. I will grow from this and while the pain will never fully leave my heart, we will move on and remember to cherish every moment we can with each other as a family. I am blessed with two healthy boys and I cant be thankful enough for them.

I am sorry if I will be gone for a while. I just need to take some time to deal and clear my head. I promise I will be back. Love you all!

Elexis ❤

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3 Replies to “The pain of the darkness.”

  1. My heart hurts for you I know exactly what your going through right before we got pregnant with my youngest Levi we found out we were going to be expecting our second baby everything was going fine I had all the right symptoms ! We were going to keep it a secret to family and even hid it at my sisters big wedding in Vegas shortly after I began bleeding went to the doctors and they could no longer find a heartbeat I’m world was crushed I know ppl that have had them before but to me it was so unreal I didn’t know how to handle through time I’ve found that you have to take as much time as possible to grieve for this sweet thing that you at one time carried ! I still find myself sad on her/his edd .. So sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers !

    Always Angelique @angeliquebarron IG

    1. Thank you! It’s so surreal. One minute your fine and then it’s all taken right out of you. It’s constantly on my mind. But although I feel like people think because it was early that it’s somehow easier but I don’t want the memory to just fade away. It was our baby whether I was 7 weeks or 20 weeks. And we had so many plans already. So I’m finding that as long as I make sure his or her memory will remain and not just be forgotten it helps. (:

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